Hello, cariñitos. I know I disappeared, but I’m back with
plenty of gossip.

The last time I wrote something for this blog was over a year ago, and so much has happened since then. Much of what I write is a recap for myself, but it makes me more than happy to know that some of you take the time to read it.

So, where did we leave off? I returned from Budapest loaded with
antidepressants and went to live in Mérida with my sister to finish my studies. I decided to go with her because I was in a dilemma: I had already lived completely by myself and didn’t want to lose that independence, but I also didn’t want to be 100% in an unfamiliar environment. At first, everything flowed like melted butter on toast. I was thrilled under a hammock in 40-degree weather with 18-year-old friends, regaining my identity and sense of humor. I was loving my classes and being relatively close to the sea. I started feeling proactive and regaining confidence in my abilities, so I became a camera operator for a program at my university, organized a photography exhibition at the Museum of Music, found a job at a publicity agency as a communication coordinator, and I was a beneficiary of the government incubator in Mérida. I even adopted a dog that stole my heart, Miko.

However, everything started falling apart around December. When I finally felt like I was stabilizing emotionally, sadness and apathy began to take over me. These feelings weren’t unfamiliar to me. I was very scared of my mental state and of what was coming, as I had already been through it before.

Deep down, I believe one of the biggest reasons for my decline had been my job. Let’s call my boss Renata just to keep her identity secret. She was an
extremely intimidating and intrusive person, a bit bitter about life. She was a
transgender person, and every time she had the chance, she made sure to remind the world of it. She always tried to undermine me as a woman, pointing out how much I lacked being one.

“Oh, I don’t understand why you never wear makeup or why you always wear
tennis shoes and not heels. You should make this client give you a van with that body and face. Take advantage. Hey, your sister looks like a ‘buchona.’ Let me read your tarot cards, my grandmother was a Mayan shaman. I recommend you don’t mess with me because I come from a very powerful family, did you know my dad is a narco?”

Many comments like this, many deals with clients that just vanished. She forced me to skip classes to solve her problems. She would show up at my house unexpectedly to finish presentations and humiliate me in front of clients with her mistakes. I truly couldn’t stand it anymore.

I felt stuck, like I was never going to grow in the environment I was in. I was retreating into a shell. Apparently, my We Travel project needed a 3 million pesos investment since it was a travel app using artificial intelligence. It seemed like a promising idea until ChatGPT released version 40, and basically, you could do what I had in mind. I lost hope in that project. Miko was
consuming me with his hyperactivity, and I was stressed about leaving him alone at home, as well as about how I would afford to keep him in the future. I felt tied to my job just to give him a home. I started getting terrible migraines frequently, and my body and mind were exhausted.

The December holidays came, and I was so bad that I wanted to disappear. I canceled all my plans with my friends, didn’t want to eat, and wanted to sin  into my sheets. I wanted to break up with Tobias because I felt someone else could make him happier, even though he was about to visit in a month. I found no passion in my camera or anything that used to make me happy. My parents, deeply worried, took me to a new psychiatrist. After several diagnoses and therapies, I was diagnosed as bipolar and with severe depression. My antidepressant dosage was increased, and I was prescribed new medications. At that moment, that diagnosis made total sense because of my emotional roller coasters and the many changes in career and countries. I had hopes of improving.

When the new semester started, I still felt even more submerged in the black hole I was in. The migraines had increased, taking over me at least three times a week. My appetite had completely disappeared. I struggled to get into the shower, do basic tasks, and socialize. I quit working for Renata because she didn’t pay me for the last month. Miko had stayed with my grandmother in Cuernavaca since I had taken him there during the holidays to avoid leaving him in a vet in Mérida. I started missing most of my classes. My friends called me and sent worried messages. My dad had to call me every morning to make sure I went to university and forced me to keep my location turned on at all times, tracking my movements. My depression was overwhelming me.

Tobias arrived and was a band-aid for my heart. I’m so thankful for all his support and patience because I was very passive, apathetic, and had no energy for anything. He invited me to dinner, planned tours, and when I had migraines, he stayed by my side, hugging me. He got me out of bed, made me breakfast, and pushed me to fulfill my responsibilities while attending his Spanish classes. One day we decided to embark on an adventure and went to a cenote, traveling down an endless dirt road. When we got out of the water, I noticed a bump on my arm that looked like a mosquito bite. It started itching a lot, and when we both realized it, I had huge welts all over my body. I called my doctor,
panicking, as any good hypochondriac would. It turned out I was allergic to the bipolar medication. I was prescribed something else, which I decided not to take after two weeks. I felt like the medications were slowly turning me into a plant, without opinions nor personality.

A few months passed, and Tobias had returned to Germany, which made our temporary farewell even sadder and left me feeling weaker. I continued skipping my classes, and the rector spoke to my father, giving him a warning that if I continued, I might lose my scholarship and the semester. My dad was very worried and constantly sent me messages with my vision boards and a phrase: “No matter how you feel, get dressed, show up, and never give up.” Things escalated so much that my parents decided to take me back home without asking me.

I found out because my sister sent a message to the neighbors’ group, not realizing I was in it. “Hey, does anyone need a roommate for August?” In a way, I felt relieved. My dad came to visit and helped me pack everything. Before I left, the boiler exploded in my face. I burned my last class absences at university, half my nose, eyelids, and all my eyebrows. My professors allowed me to take my final exams online.

My mom supervised all my meals and made sure I wasn’t lying in bed all day. She took me to a new doctor, a neuropsychiatrist. After several diagnoses, exams, and therapies, it turned out I had been misdiagnosed: I wasn’t bipolar. The antidepressants were damaging my central nervous system because of the high doses being introduced into my body and the fact that I wasn’t medicated for ADHD, which can also cause so many career, emotional, and thought changes.

Little by little, I started improving. They prescribed Concerta, took me off antidepressants, switched me to psychoanalysis and cognitive-behavioral
therapy, and I began healing spiritually.

“ Ale, I think you should get certified as a yoga teacher.
I’ll support you with whatever you need, but I think you need to reconnect with your spiritual side and your faith. You need to believe in something bigger than everything around you. You need to connect with yourself,” my mom said. “But I need you to commit to it, to do your best.”

“ As we’ve always said, if you’re going to do something, do
it well and give your best,” reiterated the good Terro.

“ Okay, I’ll try. I think it will help me stay consistent.”

I was excited to start this new spiritual and physical journey, as it was something I had wanted to do since returning from Thailand. Things started falling into place, and a very good friend of my mom gave me the opportunity to work with him.

“ Look, send me your CV, and I’ll see where I can fit you in
as an intern. You have to be responsible. You can’t miss work, and you have to prove to me that you can be there,” Ro told me with emphasis and seriousness.

I accepted the challenge and joined the experiential marketing agency, Matraka, as an account intern. So far, I love my job and going to the office; the only thing I hate is the traffic. So many incredible opportunities have come my way since I started that I still can’t believe it. I was the official photographer for Phoenix, I’ll be working as staff at the American Express Golf Club, and I’m involved in amazing projects, having closed my first one as a creative.

Also, making such lovely and incredible yogini friends has helped me immensely. Seeing how my body and mind are becoming more flexible, gradually freeing me from my limitations, makes me feel powerful and capable of anything. Moreover, I can’t stop thanking my parents, my sister, my friends, and Tobias for all their support because, honestly, if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be here today.

So, that was the gossip, I hope you enjoyed it.

Xoxo, gossip girl.