This amazing art piece was made by one of the best graphic designers I know, Sofia Sota. 

          My philosophy of life has always been: never do anything that you wouldn’t like being done to you, and treat how you’d like to be treated, but kinder and with more respect. I think this mindset has helped me a lot regarding being committed in a long-distance relationship. All relationships are hard and complicated, and whoever says otherwise, it’s bullshit. Nevertheless, there are key points that make it easier to deal with responsibility and commitment inside a relationship; for example, genuine communication, honesty, loyalty, and utter respect. At least, those are the values that my partner and I live by. But, by being apart by continents and big periods of time, they have become golden and unbreakable rules.

          To be honest, I wouldn’t recommend a long-distance relationship to anyone. Everything sucks in the period of waiting. Missing becomes a dreadful and painful task for the mind and soul. The goodbyes are horrible bullets of sadness and agony that you can’t dodge, and
they are always in the back of the heart. Coordinating and making space for your loved one far away entails big-time management skills. It also means having a thick skin to ignore everyone’s comments on their huge lack of faith in love and loyalty, predicting an upcoming failure and heartbreak. Moreover, letting go of jealousy and control signifies trusting your partner with an open heart and blindfolded eyes.

           So, if I would never recommend it, why do I find myself in this situation? One of my life rules is to never have regrets, no matter if it is painful, fun or risky. I would never want to be on my deathbed thinking what could have happened or if it would have worked out. I never want to have any thorns stuck as doubts in my skin; I’d rather take them off. 

          If I could describe a long-distance relationship with an image, it would be the performance art by Marina Abramóvich called Rest Energy, mostly because one lover is pointing with a real arrow to their lover’s heart, while the other one is waiting peacefully for the inevitable. The piece represents the power of love and the capability to hurt because they go hand in hand. So, when you truly love someone, you also give them the possibility to hurt you and vice-versa.

             Nevertheless, the way I feel about Tobi is completely wonderful. He is the most marvelous human being I have ever met, and the connection that we have built is incredible. We communicate with our looks, funny faces, lips, and telepathically. It is crazy how sometimes he knows exactly what I will say or how I would react in specific situations. Also, I had never met a deconstructed man before who believed in soulmates, but he showed me that they were real. He is extremely patient with me and knows perfectly how to deal with my energetic outbursts, extreme mood swings, and indecisiveness. He pushes me to be the best version of myself and to keep evolving; I love that we make each other grow. We have learned a lot about ourselves within the relationship.

           Certainly, our dynamic is not the typical one. Our dates are the most precious, genuine, and authentic ones since time is not on our side. We never take each other for granted and we are really present when we are together. Usually, when we coincide, we are glued together and it is not easy to tear us apart. We wake up cuddling, make the frutifantastic, and by that, I mean coffee and breakfast. We get ready next to the other one and sometimes match outfits. We sit and discuss our plans for the day, where he tries to do what I love, and I try to do what he enjoys. We try not to complain about situations we can’t control, and it is impossible for us to stay mad at each other since we talk about everything. We travel a lot together, so our dates have been at cenotes, a pearl farm, delicious restaurants, castles, snowy mountains, Roger Waters’s concert, salsa lessons, road trips, skiing tours, pyramids, art galleries, food markets, zoos, and beer gardens. I think we have only been to the movies once, and it was at the ARRI cinema to watch Babylon.

               However, our dating dynamic has changed a bit. We have set one time a week were we make a sacred space for a facetime date. We both propose activities that we might to together like asking intimate questions, making vision boards together on Canva, playing never have I ever, watching movies on Discord, guessing our memories, or reading the same book and discussing it. This last one, especially, has been amazing because we get to learn about each other’s perspectives or what made an impact. So far, we have read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and we are starting Star With Why by Simon Sinek. We also recommend each other podcasts and make meaningful playlists for one another.

               One time, we were packing on a tight schedule to catch a flight, and we had to be very fast. Nevertheless, he started to tickle me, and I started to throw him water. We were laughing and playing around until my mom entered the room and screamed, “Come on! We must leave!! You guys are like five-year-olds.” And it is so true, everything with him is so much fun. So, we both looked at each other and made our classic funny face when something goes wrong or is awkward. Another time, he bit me super hard, so I wanted to bite him back. He started to run around as I chased him, while his friends were like “what the hell is going on.”

             My friends and family really loved him, even though he didn’t speak Spanish, but I guess it doesn’t matter if you’re an amazing human being. My dad even organized a gig for his goodbye party, and most of my friends were there to wish him a good farewell. My abi asks about him all the time and insists that he must visit her, even if I am not around. The only one who might complain is my sister since we are very loud and highly energetic without having the ability to shut up; nevertheless, they team up to bully me and bond over it.

           I have never judged him, and he has never judged me, so this allows us to be our most authentic and real versions with all the intimacy and vulnerability that it may require. Now, it is really hard for me to picture my life without him, even if we are not together physically for most of the time. He is very open-minded and willing to learn, which I truly appreciate.

               Even if our social and cultural realities are extreme opposites, we manage to understand each other on every level. It certainly makes our relationship very interesting. I have adapted my love languages to his and him to mine. It doesn’t matter if we don’t speak each other’s native tongue because we have developed our own language. We really crave one another because we already had our 6-month subscription of living together and we can’t wait to renew it. So, we already know how we work, what we like, what we don’t like, how we desire our future, and that it is worth fighting for each other.

            Of course, not everything is perfect, and we have had few arguments or small fights, but we have always worked through them. We are assertive and very respectful in our communication, trying to be in the other person’s shoes. Nevertheless, the only thing I truly despise about our relationship is being so far away from him for such a long period of time. It is very painful, but at least we know that we are both going through the same and can always count on each other.

          I am very grateful to him because he made me believe in love and showed me what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like. Even though continents separate us, he is always there for me with his 100% support. He really cares and shows me every single one of his feelings. We truly are a team.

               My values have been passed through my parents and grandparents’ relationships, where companionship and compliance, as well as honesty and trust are everything. So, they always give me amazing advice and hope for my own relationship to work.

So, my advice for all of you, whether you are in a long-distance relationship or not:

- Honesty

- Good communication

- Loyalty

- Trust

-  Quality time

-  Openness

-  No lies nor secrets

- Realizing that happiness depends on you and not your partner

- Loving from the soul

- Never taking for granted

I hope you can fall in love with love. It is truly one of the most wonderful experiences on this earth.